Controlling the Tonuge: The Discipline of Godly Communication

A connect study schedule for the next six weeks is below this post

The Discipline in Focus
“A fool’s mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul.” Proverbs 18:7. The way we communicate to others has incredible power and can be helpful in gauging our growth in godliness. The Bible tells us that our words are small yet pack a powerful punch (James 3:5). Words can leave an impact on us long after a person is gone from our lives. And when we look at it the other way we see that the words we speak though seemingly small can have a big impact on others. No wonder James exhorts believers to pay close attention to what they say. Words have the ability to stay with us forever.

Controlling our tongue involves being actively aware of our words and being very intentional with the words we speak as well as the tone of voice we use in all communication. Practices include: speaking the truth in love, not speaking out of anger or irritability, using words to encourage and build up, not yelling or cursing at others, refusing to take part in gossip, slander or backstabbing, refusing to tell half-truths just to better your image, using verbal and body language in a godly way, and noticing how your speech affects others.

Good communication from God’s perspective is sending a message that is holy, purposeful, clear, and timely. Also, keep in mind that communication isn’t just words, but also the volume of your voice, tone of your voice, facial expressions, hand gestures, sighing or snorting, rolling your eyes, body posture, and eye contact.

Some Learning Basics
Here are 4 Basic Principles of Communication: (Ephesians 4:25-32)
1. Be Honest (25) – Always speak the truth graciously. Speak because people cannot read your minds. Clamming up is not an option. Speak truthfully by not exaggerating, evading the truth, or using half-truths. Speak the truth graciously. Be concerned with what you say, how you say it, how much you say it, and when you say it. Become a skilled listener.
2. Keep Current (26, 27) – Failure in attempting to solve each day’s problems quickly can be sin. Don’t carry them over to tomorrow if possible. (See Matt 6:34). If we fail to solve problems quickly we open the door to resentment, bitterness, or even hatred. It can also set the stage for spiritual discouragement.
3. Attack the Problem, Not the Person (29, 30) – Do not speak words that tear down or words that grieve the Holy Spirit. Use words that edify or build up, words that help reach a solution when there are problems.
4. Act, Don’t React (31, 32) – Our reactions say a lot about us. Attitudes of bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice must be put off. We must instead replace these attitudes with kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness.

In order to change the way we communicate we must be disciplined. Godly communication does not come naturally. As believers we need to be aware of wrong habits and patterns and confess those to God. We must repent and begin to develop the right biblical habits and patterns. This means actually practicing the new behavior patterns (speaking truth instead of half-truths) until a new habit is formed.

Scripture
James 3:2-10, Proverbs 10:19, 11:9, 12:18, 16:24, 18:7,21.

Respond
1. What is your communication style? (talk, talk , talk; think then talk; never talk or somewhere in the middle)
2. Do you recognize when you are controlling a conversation? Do you recognize when you are being impatient with others? Or defensive? Or critical?
3. How do you feel when others dominate the conversation or outshine you?
4. When and how are you most likely to speak a harsh or impatient word?
5. How do you speak about others when they are not around?
6. Are you good at giving praise, expressing thanks, or encouragement? If not what can you do to change?
7. What is a habit of speech that you want to break? (yelling, being too critical, lying or speaking half-truths, rolling your eyes, being sarcastic, complaining etc…) What is a new habit that can replace the old one? (for example, replacing the habit of complaining with thanksgiving or the habit of yelling with giving soft answers).
8. Looking back at the past week, would God be honored with the way you communicated to others? If not, what will you do about it?