Week Four: Leave and Cleave and the “One Flesh” Relationship
Making one’s marriage a priority is crucial in a marriage relationship. This seems like an obvious statement but to many the relationship takes a backseat to other priorities in life. In order to build a biblical marriage a couple must be committed to making their relationship with their spouse a priority over every other human relationship.
There are two steps to making the marriage relationship a priority:
Step 1 – God says children must leave their parents. Gen 2:24, Matt 19:5 and
Eph. 5:31.
Step 2 – God says the man must cleave to a wife (not “wife and parents”)
The result of these two steps is that the two will become one flesh.
So what does it mean to leave and cleave?
It does not mean: Breaking off all relations, bearing no responsibility (2 Tim 5:8), abandoning family, or moving far from your family.
What it does mean is:
• Leave behind a dependence on family for money.
• Leave behind your parents’ temporary God-given authority over you.
• Leave behind a way of life centered around your parents.
• Leave behind the dependence on parents approval.
• Leave behind parents as the people you confide in first.
• Leave behind family’s ideas about structure and functioning.
• Cleave to full responsibility for life and decisions.
• Cleave to a peer relationship with your parents.
• Cleave to viewing parents as advisors.
• Cleave to biblical standards for life and family living.
• Cleave to your mate’s opinions, insights, and concerns as most important.
This leaving and cleaving results in a “one flesh” relationship. The “one flesh” concept speaks of the comprehensive relationship found in Genesis 2:24c.
So what does “one flesh” mean?
It does not mean uniformity. There is no loss of identity or individuality. The “one flesh” relationship is kinda like an intertwined rope. There is a blending of two distinct strands but only one rope.
It does not mean you live with a clone. There will be many differences between two people and that is ok.
What does it mean?
•Unity – Comprehensive. All of life is shared together yet without each person having to be the same as the other.
•Partnership – Complete in all areas of life. Each person is of equal value and importance, but with different roles within the partnership.
•Sacrifice – There must be a commitment to sharing all of life together. Both people must be giving towards the other. Prefer the other above yourself.
Here is a list of some things that a husband and wife will share together:
1.Intellectual stuff – Talk about thoughts and ideas, share all that one is learning, (doesn’t have to be details), insights, opinions on things, issues of life
2.Desires and Feelings (Romans 12:15, 1 Cor. 12:25) – Joys, sorrows, grief and pains
3.Social – develop close relationships with same people, common recreational activities, interest in the other’s hobby, extending hospitality to others together.
4.Work – communicate about work related stuff, home projects, rejoice with the others accomplishments, pray about work.
5.Spiritual life (1 Peter 3:7 – praying together, reading Bible together, discuss spiritual problems, common convictions and views, local church involvement, serve Christ in common ministries, discuss what God is teaching you, raising children together, encourage the other, counseling one another about personal sins, confessing sins to one another, seeking and granting forgiveness.
6.Physical (Proverbs 5, 1 Cor. 7) – Concern for well-being, seek to understand and adapt to one another’s physical strengths and weaknesses, demonstrate affection in mutually satisfying ways, prefer the other person above yourself, dealing with sexual problems in a biblical way.
7.Goals (2 Cor. 5:9, Amos 3:2, Phil 2:2) – Being unified in goals, unity in desires regarding marriage relationship including family, spiritual growth, children, finances, occupation, overall future.
8.Difficulties and Trials – Proverbs 17:17, Ecc. 4:9-12, 1 Thes. 5:11, Count on each other in adversity, lift one another up, build up each other.
Response Questions
1. In your view, what does “leave and cleave” mean?
2. What does the “one flesh” relationship look like?
3. How does learning this stuff help your view on marriage?
4. Does learning this help you take marriage more seriously?
5. Is marriage mostly about romance and being in love or about something else? What is it all about?
