Wives Who Are Like the Church - Week 12

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the Church, his body.” This study is directed at both girls and guys. We want them both to see what a godly wife should look like so that the girl can strive to be one and the guy can know what to look for in a wife.

A wife is like the church in three ways:

She is an HONOROR (through loving submission). – Ephesians 5:24,33, Titus 2:5.

What submission is NOT – It is NOT putting the husband in the place of Christ. The husband is not to be worshipped. (Col. 1:18) Submission is NOT the same thing as giving up independent thought and becoming intellectually frozen. Submission is NOT giving up all efforts to influence her husband. (1 Pet. 3:1-2 The wife is to influence her husband through prayer, putting on the armor of God, having Godly friends, living in quietness, purity, fear of God, overcome evil with good, answer softly, speak truth in love, reprove her husband, be patient, live under God’s authority, respectful forms of communication.) Submission is NOT giving in to every demand of the husband. (Acts 4:18-19, Ex 1:17, A wife should refuse to submit to her husband when he forbids her going to church, Heb 10:25, forbids teaching children about Jesus, asks her to sin or violate her conscience.) Submission is NOT the same as being fearful or timid. Submission is NOT letter her gifts go unused. Submission is NOT believing her husband is infallible. Submission is NOT based on a wife’s inferiority to her husband (Gal 3:28).

Submission IS – “Submission IS a divine calling of the wife to honor, affirm, and nurture her husband’s leadership and to help carry it through according to her gifts.” Submission IS God’s way of attaining and maintaining function and order in the home. Submission is a way of life for all believers in some sense (Eph 6:1, 1 Pet. 5:5-6, Eph 6, Rom. 13, James 4:7, Heb. 13:17, Eph 5:22, 5:21. Submission IS reverence and dedication toward her husband that is based not on the husbands worthiness as a leader but because both have God-given roles and desire to be obedient to God.

She is a HELPER (through faithful companionship) – Genesis 2:18, Prov. 31:10-31. The wife finds fulfillment in using her gifts and abilities to help her husband. She finds fulfillment in helping her husband in his service for God (1 Cor. 11:7-9). She enjoys showing confidence in his decisions, shows thankfulness for his leadership, maintains a good spiritual life, and offers suggestions, advice, and corrections when needed in a loving way.

She is DEVOTED to care of the home – Titus 2:4-5, Prov. 1:8, Eph 6:1. The home is the sphere in which she fulfills her God-given responsibilities. Proverbs 31 Model says that a godly wife:
1. Makes the home a safe place – 10-31
2. She is trustworthy and dependable – 11-12
3. She is organized and productive – 13-14
4. She is enterprising – 16-19
5. She is a generous neighbor – 20
6. She is a teacher – 25-26
7. She is blessed as a mother – 27-31

Response
1. How is the wife like the Church?
2. What is your view on submission? What is the biblical view of submission?
3. What are some characteristics of a godly wife?

Husbands Who Are Like Christ - Week 11

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” This study is directed at both girls and guys. We want them both to see what a godly husband should look like so that the guy can strive to be one and the girl can know what to look for in a husband.

A Christ-like husband should be three things:

1. A Christ-like husband is a LOVER (Eph 5, John 3:16,John 10 1 Cor 13). Love is a selfless, enduring commitment of the will to care about and benefit another person by righteous, truthful and compassionate thoughts, words and actions. Love is doing what is most needed not what is most wanted.

He should love his wife like Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? He initiates love (1 John 4:19) he is sacrificial even when it is inconvenient (Eph 5:25), he is humble (Phil 2:3-4) he is committed (Rom. 8:39), he is quick to forgive (Col 3:13), he helps her to be more like Christ (Eph 5:26-27).

How are these things seen in practical ways? Telling her verbally and non-verbally that you love her, praising her character generously, making time for her, listening to what she says (not mind reading), sharing every area of life, providing for her, lead in such a way to promote her spiritual growth, treat her as a priority.

2. A Christ-like husband is a LEARNER. (1 Peter 3:7). Our culture tells us that woman cannot be understood by men, but God says that not only can a husband understand his wife, but that he is commanded to understand her.

How can a husband understand his wife? Takes the time to get to know her and understand her likes, dislikes, hurts, pains, If God says to do it, you must prioritize it and do it. It takes effort to learn about your wife. You can study godly women in the Bible and study your wife continuously. Ask questions.

3. A Christ-like husband is a SERVANT-LEADER (Eph 5:23, 1 Cor. 11:3,7-9). The husband is divinely called to take primary responsibility for Christ-like servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home.

What is Godly-leadership? It is NOT a dictatorship in which the husband makes his demands and expects the wife to serve him. It also is NOT the husband making all the decisions and it is NOT following the leadership of the wife. A godly husband leads his wife by following Christ’s example of leadership.

How is Godly leadership seen in the husband? A husband doesn’t drive his wife (Cowboy), but leads her (Shepherd). He is gentle and caring. He is humble (Phil 2:5-8), he follows after God’s will (John 4:34, 6:38) he is willing to serve her (Luke 22:26 and John 13:5ff).

Practically how is this seen? The husband should be concerned for his wife’s needs and desires, he knows where he is leading his wife and family, he sets an example of control (eating, spending $), he solves problems biblically, he instructs his wife not as a father but as a team leader, he encourages her in her God-given responsibilities as a wife, and he lives joyfully with her by being fun to live with and be around.

Week Ten: Divorce and Remarriage.

As we saw in Week Six God’s intention for marriage is that it be permanent. To build a marriage on biblical foundations a couple must be committed to the permanence of marriage within God’s design.

It is very important for adults and students to gain a biblical perspective on divorce. The way you see divorce will affect your attitude towards it.
Author and Counselor Jay Adams has written a helpful book called, “Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible.” Here are some of his initial thoughts on Divorce:

Contrary to some opinions, the concept of divorce is biblical. The Bible recognizes and regulates divorce. Certain provisions are made for it. This must be affirmed clearly without hesitation….Let us be clear about the fact that neither is the Bible silent on the subject of divorce, nor does it always, under all circumstances, for everyone, condemn divorce…It is altogether true that God hates divorce. But He neither hates all divorces in the same way nor hates every aspect of divorce. He hates what occasions every divorce. He hates the results that often flow to children and to injured parties of a divorce. And he hates divorces wrongly obtained on grounds that He has not sanctioned. But that leaves some things about divorce that He does not hate. He certainly does not condemn or hate divorce proceedings per se – i.e., as a process. Nor does He hate divorce when it is obtained according to the principles and regulations laid down in the Scriptures.

This is not a simple black and white issue. In fact, it is downright difficult.
Before we get into different views on Divorce and Remarriage let me say five things:
1. Though every divorce is caused by sin, not every divorce is sinful. Scripture allows for divorce in certain circumstances.
2. Divorce is never inevitable. Especially among Christians.
3. Divorce is never required.
4. Every effort should be made at reconciling with every person involved.
5. A wrongly obtained divorce is always sin. And because it is sin it is always forgivable.

Important Passages to Study
Matthew 19, 1 Corinthians 7:10-16.



We have seen that marriage is a Covenant. A divorce, then, is the repudiation (rejection) and legal breaking of that covenant (agreement) in which both parties promised to fulfill.

The word for divorce in the OT (Deut. 24, Isaiah 50:1, Jer. 3:8) means “to cut off”. The most prominent NT word, apoluo, means “to loose from, to put from, put away, send, release or dismiss”. The idea with the use of this word is that there is a broken relationship. However the context in each passage is always the key to getting to the meaning of a word.

The main problems today concerning divorce and remarriage center around two issues: sexual unfaithfulness and dissertion of an unbelieving spouse.

There are various views but this is the view that I think is biblical and that is held by most evangelical Christians today:

The only New Testament grounds for divorce are sexual sin or desertion by an unbeliever . The first is found in Jesus’ use of the Greek word porneia (Matt. 5:32; 19:9). This is a general term that encompasses sexual sin such as adultery , homosexuality , bestiality , and incest. When one partner violates the unity and intimacy of a marriage by sexual sin—and forsakes his or her covenant obligation—the faithful partner is placed in an extremely difficult situation. After all means are exhausted to bring the sinning partner to repentance, the Bible permits release for the faithful partner through divorce (Matt. 5:32; 1 Cor . 7:15). The second reason for permitting a divorce is in cases where an unbelieving mate does not desire to live with his or her believing spouse (1 Cor . 7:12-15). Because “God has called us to peace”
(v . 15), divorce is allowed and may be preferable in such situations. When an unbeliever desires to leave, trying to keep him or her in the marriage may only create greater tension and conflict. Also, if the unbeliever leaves the marital relationship permanently but is not willing to file for divorce, perhaps because of lifestyle, irresponsibility , or to avoid monetary obliga-
tions, then the believer is in an impossible situation of having legal and moral obligations that he or she cannot fulfill. Because “the brother or
sister is not under bondage in such cases” (1 Cor . 7:15) and is therefore no longer obligated to remain married, the believer may file for divorce without fearing the displeasure of God.

In this view, remarriage is permitted for the faithful partner only when the divorce was on biblical grounds. In fact, the purpose for a biblical divorce is to
make clear that the faithful partner is free to remarry, but only in the Lord (Rom. 7:1-3; 1Cor . 7:39).





There are three different views that are people have. Briefly they are as follows:
1. God allows for no divorce and no remarriage. Only in the matter of desertion can a believer get divorced, but they can not get remarried.
2. Divorce is allowable in some cases , but no remarriage in any case. In this view Divorce is allowed for dissertion and adultery, but remarriage is not allowed in either case.
3. Divorce and Remarriage is allowed in a wide variety of circumstances (this is held by a wide variety of liberal scholars.) Essentially this view says divorce and remarriage is ok under any and every circumstance.


How Am I Supposed to Teach This? What is the Purpose of this Study?

First, you do not have to teach everything written in this study. There is a lot of material (though I could add pages more) so please do not feel overwhelmed.

Second, we want to do everything we can to uphold a high view of marriage and encourage students to take it as seriously as Scripture takes it. Marriage is a covenant made and God takes breaking covenants very seriously.

Third, I will be teaching longer than usually on this topic. Your goal during your time with the students should be to help them see the importance of the issue and answer any questions they might have. Read the Scriptures with them. Stress God’s forgiveness and grace. Divorce has affected almost every family in our student ministry and we must emphasize God’s design of the permanence of marriage, the consequences of not following that design and also his grace and forgiveness in Christ for all involved.

Fourth, encourage students to think through these things and pray about them. Many of our students have many questions about divorce and remarriage. Encourage them to ask questions and seek the Scriptures. The Big Idea here is to make sure they know the Bible has something to say about marriages, divorces, and relationships. We want them to leave thinking about the importance of these issues.

Respond
1. What is divorce?
2. What are the 4 views on divorce and remarriage? Which is the majority view?
3. What are the main passages that speak to these issues? (1 Cor. 7, Rom. 7, Matt 5, Matthew 19.)
4. Why do people get divorced?
5. What can prevent divorce?

Please e-mail or call if you have any questions. These issues are not easy ones and I do not expect everyone to agree with everything said, however the Bible is clear that we must be discerning and wise with decisions in marriage and divorce. Study the material and email me at jeason@fbcmw.org if you have any questions.

Justin